Fighter
by Zyrin
Summary: And yet I don't regret it, I don't regret walking underground into the pit inside room 02, waiting for him, knowing he will win. I am not proud of what I do, in fact the old Katniss would have killed herself rather than give herself willingly to someone who abuses life for fun. But a lot of things change/ i dont even like Cato whats going on
1. Prologue

**Fire **

Cage fighting.

A horrific sport; bloody, brutal and brilliantly suited for a fighter.

People crowd around the cage, their clingy fingers grabbing onto it their loud screams puncturing through the air. The entire place is chaos, its dark and the only light comes from above ground, situated like a spotlight on two men who are in the cage.

One is tall, dark and toned. He is pacing impatiently on the spot looking intently at the other man, getting ready for his first night in the cage. His oponent is taller, bigger, toner and built with nothing but lean muscle- he's standing still, calm and steady. His face is covered in a dark mask of velvet, despite this the women scream his name, and men chant it with victory.

The sound of 2 bells sends maskless fighter straight in about to deliver a powerful punch while grabbing for his opponents mask, but as soon as the fight started the fight ended.

The man in the mask grabs his fist and squeezes his fist around his until the sound of broken cartilliage can be heard, he then brings his free fist into the other mans chin-knock out. 4 bells are heard and the crowd cheer for the violence, cheer for the man in the mask as they chant the name they given to him as he doesn't reveal his own.

_Ares, Ares, Ares, Ares…_

It goes on and on and on, chanting Ares-The God of War, the crowd named him from the first fight he ever had. In which the cage looked like a slaughter house, the man was left paralyzed from the waist down and yet they still chant.

Even as Ares bursts out of the cage, pushing people out his way-they chant. He walks with deliberation up a spiral of stairs made of stone attached to the pit that they all inhabit, gooing round the cage circularly.

He finds Katri Allard sitting on a leather chair. She is tall and sits naked with her knees locked together. Ares makes his way into the bathroom; he stops by the mirror to look at the monster looking back at him. He looks at Ares, he sees power. Then he really looks at himself, he sees behind the mask, he sees himself; the boy who grew up too fast and not yet not enough, then he looks at the beautiful girl in his bedroom. He cannot wait any longer as desire burns them both. Erupting both of them into flames as moans erupt from her throat.

Ares watches her expression, knowing she cant see his, hard breaths, deep breaths, shallow breaths. She watches, trying to see behind the mask, failing to see those masked eyes.

Moans erupt from her throat and he watches, fire meets fire, burning both of them in the end.

Panting, she collapses her head on his glistening shoulder.

Ares grips her hips and flips them over, she watches as his strong arms lift her and place her on the seat instead. Her eyes trail every part of him. The woman puts on her clothes quickly knowing the silence is the signal to go, they don't talk, and they don't say anything to each other, there's something between them that words aren't needed for- burning desire.

* * *

**II**

I am jolted awake at the sound of my sister-Prim, screaming my name. I immediately get out of the comforts of my dreams and speed to my sister's room.

I find her sobbing in her pillows. I rub her back and smooth out her hair and hold her-like mother used too- it eventually calms her down. Almost every week there will come a night where nightmares will plague her.

But this time it's different, we're getting closer and closer to the reaping, this will be Prims first time. Soon she's dreaming and I make my way back to my room, laying down I can smell him on me and I'm reminded that just a couple of hours ago I was on top of Ares, making lo- it wasn't love, it was something much less, it felt like fire but it felt cold and worthless.

And yet I don't regret it, I don't regret walking underground into the pit inside room 02, waiting for him, knowing he will win. I am not proud of what I do, in fact the old Katniss would have killed herself rather than give herself willingly to someone who abuses life for fun. But a lot of things change, the old Katniss in buried deep beneath my mother's death and more misery.

I refuse to be a wreck, I refuse to dwell in the depths of despair, it took all my reasoning and sanity to get Prim and I to where we are now, inside the safety of district 2. I had to leave my home, leave all those memories of Gale, mother, father and hunting, leave it all to keep Prim and I, well, keep us alive, keep us sane.

God knows I love my little sister and do anything for her, but sometimes I need to do something to make me forget all about it. And somehow, Ares intrigued me enough to do so.

But then again there's Cato, who's beyond curiosity, he makes me feel…everything. Ares makes me feel pleasure, but Cato is anger, bewilderment, bliss and above all peace mixed into one. But there's something about Ares that I cannot abandon, I cannot leave his clutches. I need to know more about him. I _need _to know why I want him.

* * *

**thi sis so bad i cant reAD IT WITHOUT CRINGING OMFG  
Ares=god of war idk its cool  
**

**his mask-theres a link on my profile idk pick one i dont care i dont know i dont care im just really not ok**


	2. The Beginning

**this is the beginning, BEFORE THE PROLOGUE-and i guess ill let you know when the prologue is actually the present, also i decided to move some stuff around it didnt make sense , btw if you want to see the mask he's wearing go to my profile theres a link just pick a mask idk they're all cool as shit.**

* * *

**The Beginning**

**_52 days before_  
**

I was making my way through district 2's market, examining an apple when I overheard two younger girls talking excitedly about something called cage fighting, they mentioned Aries they described him as "Fit as hell" and "body of a sex god". I rolled my eyes at this point, compared to 12, the girls from 2 are _very _talkative and waste a lot of energy gossiping, but I don't condemn it, at least they were happy doing it.

I moved on with my day, my week, and then a month passed and I was getting bored. Prim was at her friends who she met in school here in 2, and I would normally be hunting if it was district 12 but it's not, this is district 2, the most favored district. And hunting is also prohibited but unlike in 12, the electric fence _is _electrocuted and I also don't have a bow.

The clock ticked by in our somewhat better home, it was at 4pm when I finally decided to head out, no idea where, but I needed to get out. I made my way around 2, it was richer than 12 by far, the people were happier, the kids weren't starved and families looked happy, at least that's how it looked, I don't know what kind of parents some of them really are, training their kids for the games, training them to kill, but above all, being proud of it is what made me despire this district.

I was on the outskirts of district 2, when I saw a man disappearing underground. I briskly made my way towards his direction thinking something happened to him, as I came closer to the area I saw a ladder leading underground. Curiosity got the best of me and I followed the man down the steps, I couldn't see him, or anything to be fair, it was quite dark. I could hear my footsteps echoing, I figured I was in a tunnel, I was panicking inside, I don't like small, dark places. It reminded me too much of the mines.

I continued on, thinking I came this far I'm not turning back like a coward, I saw some light illuminating the end of the tunnel. As relief washed over me I was roughly pushed against the tunnel wall, this is where I finally let the panic show.

"Why are you following me?" Came a muffled voice behind me, I could hear the threat behind his words and the hollowness of his voice. And in that moment, every nerve in my body begged me to run away, but this man's inhumane strength kept me in a solid in position.

"I, I wasn't" I managed to breathe out. The man grunted and gripped harder on my wrists as he led me forward.

Roughly I was pushed towards the light, everything was too bright, and I closed my eyes for a second and tried to imagine that my hands weren't confined together by a stranger who insisted on not letting me go. I haven't even seen his face yet; I couldn't even make it out when he turned me to face him.

Suddenly there was a massive roar of people, first there was nothing and then there was a deafening cheer of the crowd, it struck deep into my throat. For a moment I forgot, forgot that my hands were being released of their hold, and forgot where I was as I took in the enormity of the pit.

When I finally looked at my assailant his sweatshirt was off and he stood in his shorts, his body looked angry; fading bruises masked his skin, the marks and muscles of a fighter. But then there was a mask, a black mass of velvet and carefully sculpted cheekbones. I shake out of my reverie and noticed his outstretched arm with his sweatshirt hanging off it.

"No" I say, simply. He seems to still for a moment, before he storms over to me and shoves the garment into my arms.

"You will do as I say until I am sure you're not some spy" The man thought I was a spy. This was ridiculous, he was ridiculous. But I hastily nodded anyway.

"Wait here" he says in monotone. But I still heard the underlying threat _'or I'll come and get you myself_'_  
_

I was left on my own as he made his way down a stone spiral staircase that was attached to the wall,. His back was muscular as was his torso; his mask covered his entire head in black, and not knowing who I was dealing with made me on edge. He could be anyone, not someone I know-because well, I don't know anyone in this district.

I then was captivated by the sheer magnitude of the world underground; there was no explanation for it that I could conjure up in this moment. The place looked ancient, the stone walls only served to echo the sound of the people below me, the round cavern looked like something from the history books, a Colosseum. I came closer to the edge to see what they were cheering for, below me was a circular space with what looked like a cage, which seemed to the centre of everyone's attention, around two hundred people circled around it standing and channeling their screams at it.

As the masked man approached slowly, the crowd made way for him directly to the caged door, some put out their hand to shake his or run their hands against his body, neither received reaction from him. They idolized him, like he was some kind of god.

Another man drew near to the cage but this time the crowd was less observant, they didn't scream in excitement, they simply patted him on the back and wished him luck. He was pretty short, his shorts were white and his arms were scrawny, I couldn't understand why someone like him would want to challenge someone like the man in the mask. After standing observing everyone I realized the crowd weren't just screaming on top of their lungs, they were screaming something on top of their lungs. They were screaming Ares, I felt like I knew that name from somewhere. I assumed the man in the mask was Ares, and the other was his unlucky opponent.

The atmosphere changed, and the crowd fell silent, two quick bells were heard and my heart fell for the man in the white. He had no chance I thought, he waited for Ares to make the first move. None of them did, Ares stayed in his spot unmoving and the scrawny man bounced in his spot with his fists bound in silver blocking his face.

Ares was the first to move, I could tell even from this far that he was angry, he wanted a fight, a real fight but he only got a little man who I presume he could finish in two seconds. I cringed as my thoughts came true. Ares took powerful steps toward the man as he tried to cower into the cage and brought his bare fist down into the man's gut, he doubled over reaching to cover his stomach in pain but didn't even have the chance to do so, as Ares simply threw the man, THREW him across the cage into the wall of it. This man was brutal and pitiless and I simply grew to dislike him by the minute.

He didn't show any emotions so far except vicious and cold, he must have more to him than that. I thought maybe he was like this because of his mask, because maybe his face is really disfigured, maybe he's a mutation from the capital brought here to destroy the weaklings. I suddenly realized that he could hurt me as easily too, seeing me as a weakling based on my actions earlier, and if he hurts me then who's there to look after my sister? Panicky realization hit me and I turned back to the tunnel hurriedly making my way through it. I wasn't thinking clearly and forgot the unsaid threat earlier, a threat that came crashing down when I was once again pulled back and trapped against a cold wall and a warm body.

"Where do you think you're going, I can't let you leave just yet, we have some unfinished business to do." came a muffled voice behind me, again, except this time, much more frightening.

He led me to room 02, he didn't say much on the way, he didn't say anything as he sat me down on a leather chair, he didn't say anything as he went to the bathroom. In fact I think he hardly talks unless it's important. I tried to take in every detail of the room to distract me from my brash heartbeat pounding in my ears. The walls were beige, the carpet was beige, and the ever recurring colour of emerald decorated the bed; the inside of the doors and off course emerald velvet curtains. The only thing that seemed to stand out was the chair I was sitting in, simply black shiny leather with silver bolts placing diamond shapes into it.

The room was so simply…rich; it made me both sick and jealous. I expected his room to be dark and scary, just like his mask. He walked across from me and dragged a chair with from there to sit in front of me; he sat on the chair backwards, his arms leaning on the top of it like an angry teenager. Intimidating? Perhaps, I met his eyes easily, as I could hardly see them. I thought he was going to interrogate me, but all he did was look scary and mean. He didn't say anything; I refused to ask him anything, so we just sat in silence. Finally after what seemed like half an hour, he broke the silence.

"What is your name?" He said, the mask still muffling his voice.

"What's yours?" I said, with a little more hostility than I wanted too.

"Ares" he said with a tingle of amusement, I knew that wasn't his name now, I now remembered where I heard it before, a history book I skimmed through as a child, Ares was a bringer of war, a god of war more precisely, son of Zeus. How fitting I thought.

"I mean your real name" I said simply. He leaned his head down on his arms lazily, almost as if he was amused.

"That is none of your concern, now, what is your name?" he said, his voice a bit less relaxed now. Did I make him angry?

"Katri Allard" I lied, I hoped he didn't see through it. He didn't respond straight away.

"Interesting" he said simply. "Well, it's nice to meet you _Katri Allard _but I can't help but wonder what made you follow me?"

"I wasn't following you! I was just taking a walk and saw you disappear I thought something happened so i-"I was cut off.

"Followed you?" he finished for me. "So you did follow me…"

"Yes, but not for the reasons you think, I simply thought someone was hurt" I said.

"And what would you have done if I was?" he challenged, lifting his head and leaning back slightly. So smug, I thought…

"I don't know! Helped you? As any sane person would? I understand there might be people here who want to kill you, for good reason might I add, but I didn't even know this place existed so I'm sorry but can I go now!?" I said half shouting, I was losing my patience. I just wanted to go home where I'm safe, where there are no brutal fights, where there is no masked man standing up and take hold of my arms and yanking me off the chai-

I came back to reality as I was met eye to eye with Ares, now finally realizing how strong he was. His bare chest trapping me in place with his arm.

" Interesting" he whispers. "You may go, don't tell anyone about this…not your mother or fathe-"

"They're dead" I said, devoid of any emotion in my voice. His warm hold on me softened, suddenly his hands felt much softer against my arms, and his voice was quieter.

"My point still stands Katri, don't tell anyone" he leaned in closer to my ear, his voice only a muffled whisper. "And I'll see you…soon"

His hold released me, as did the warmth in my chest. And I find myself almost missing his hold. But I quickly stumbled out of the door, still feeling his eyes on me, I felt scared and disoriented, nervous and extremely hot. I got even more nervous when I noticed people looking at me as I made my way back into the tunnel, some looked curious; some were hostile or jealous, of what?

The hot flush left me as I felt the breeze of the night hit me, it's when I realized I still had the sweatshirt he gave me. I stood still for a moment, contemplating on going back down there to hand it back to him . But I chose not to; I brought the black sweatshirt over my head and put it on, it was hanging off me, and at least 2 sizes too big, but at least it was warm and soft.

* * *

**literally no idea what im doin im just sittin here trying to revise but nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo oooooooooooOOOOooooo help**


	3. The Lake

**First Meetings**

_**47 days before**_

Five days, five nights and I am angry. Angry that I cowered at the hands of that man, angry that I'm stuck in my grey little house, with nothing to do but wait for Prim to come back from school. I'd gotten up and dressed four hours ago, slipping on tight black jeans and an oversized grey jumper. I picked up the keys and stormed my way out of the house, not before angrily shoving on some boots and slamming the door first.

I let my desire to do something control my path. Anything to occupy the jittery feeling of not bring able to hunt.

Ten minutes passed by and I was now in the heart of district two, the market. People were rushing around, consuming anything and everything that was offered. I made my way towards the back where my favourite little shop stood, it was simply a shop which served drinks and sandwiches, but that's not the reason why I loved it, it was because of sheer feeling I got when I would sit down on one of the leather chairs and look out of the windows at all the people who are not me. I imagined what their favourite colour would be, or if they liked the smell of cinnamon just by looking at them. It was a useless pass time.

However, as I sat down in my usual seat, I felt like I was being watched. I looked around slowly and noticed that directly across from where I sat, a blond boy was grinning at me with a book in his hand. Like he knew something I didn't, and it just further angered me.

Suddenly he casually stood up and walked towards my table, still holding my stare. I gathered my remaining fire and held it in my eyes with the same intensity he did.

He looked like a guy who can get what he wants, whenever he wants, and It made me furious. For absolutely no reason, I just couldn't control the fire that creeped up my throat.

"Mind if sit here?" he didn't listen to my answer as he sat himself down anyway.

"Lovely day isn-"

"What do you want?" I cut him off.

He faintly raised his blond eyebrows; he probably wasn't used to girls interrupting him.

"Me? I want it all, I want to win the games. I want liquor and cigarettes, I want…"He went on and on and on! Then he grinned before he said "But most of all, I want to just sit with you"

I bet that line worked for him a few times.

My eyes flicker to his hands that held the book, titled "Histoire De Ma Vie" by something Casanova, his hand obscured the first name. His hand itself though, was covered in a dark bruise around his grazed knuckles. For some reason, I decided to respond.

"You are sitting with me" I sate

"That's not what I meant-"

"Then say what you mean" I snapped back.

He looked at me, with a frustrated frown. Soon to be replaced by a smirk. I wanted to wipe it off with sandpaper. But such resources are not at hand, unfortunately.

Time and silence ticked by and I felt out of place, and I hated myself for it. What happened to my fire?

"So uh, you read French?" I questioned vaguely. He glanced down at the book and his smirk intensified.

"Oh this?" he gestured lifting the book "No, I just carry it around for fun" The sarcastic bastard!

"Ha-Ha" I said in monotone.

"I'm volunteering as tribute, for the hunger games" He said proudly.

"You say it like you're actually happy about it…"

"I am, in my family it's an honour to win the games"

"How do you know you're going to win? There might be someone stronger than you" I sneered, something that I didn't usually do. He frowned.

"Stronger? There might be, but nobody has been prepared and trained like I have, trust me, I will come out being the Victor" He reassured me arrogantly.

"You've been training to kill people, kill ones that are younger than you. Nobody can be prepared for something like that, you might come out as victor on the outside, but inside...well, I don't know" I retaliated with disgust in my voice.

"I guess I'll have to wait and see then" he said, with an aura dripping of narcissism. But something in his eyes was different than what he was trying to put across, it was worry. He was so easy to read, it was startling. He was trying to come across as this arrogant, self absorbed, heartless victor-but, but I noticed the gagging affliction in his eyes. I pitied him.

Without another word, I got up and headed towards the exit, talking to him was as exhausting as giving blood.

"I guess I'm not as sharp with girls as I thought I was…." He said out loud to no one in particular as I walked out.

* * *

**II**

When I finally came home that day, I wasn't that surprised to see that Prim wasn't there. Instead, in her place lay a torn off piece of paper.

"_Gone to Cloves house, staying there for the night.  
Love Prim"_

I sighed, it seemed like ever since mother died Prim and I have been _so far _away from each other.

I have been wandering district 02, looking at the old mining areas, reminiscing. Prim was at Cloves house; her friend from school.

We hardly even talked and when we did, it wasn't anything important. In district 12, we were starving, we were tired and restless, but when everything came together, when mother and Prim sat down and just talked while I scurried to make up something to eat, the room would be filled with comfort.

But not anymore.

The feelings of grief came rushing like heavy rain during spring, it overwhelmed me, but I refused to cry. I had refused to cry in front of district 12 at her funeral, I had refused to cry when we were leaving 12 and I refuse now. I had to stay strong, for Prim.

But Prim wasn't here, I didn't need to be strong now, I didn't need to lock away the built up anguish, I was in a safe place inside my house, I can release it now.

I let the paper fall to the floor as it slipped between my fingers. And stomped my way up stairs into my room where I collapsed on my knees, bruising them. The lump in my throat choked my screams but let tears fall onto the hardwood floor by my splayed out palms. Strangely, at the back of my mind I remembered how rude I was to the blond in the coffee shop, how utterly unnecessary my will to fight him was, after all he just wanted to talk and I but purged out my resentment on to him. For some reason, this made me cry harder.

* * *

**III**

The next day district 2 was having a jubilee for their upcoming tributes for next month. The bright lights illuminated the night sky. Women and men dressed in black and gold, almost the same styles as the Capitol. Talking and laughing, eating rich food and drinking.

I thought the scene looked almost beautiful, but I _knew _what they were actually doing. And it ruined the thought. They weren't having a jubilee, they were having a commemoration. They laughed because they couldn't cry, and they drank because they were sending another two children to kill each other. At least, that's what I hoped. I couldn't bring myself to believe that they actually enjoyed this.

Everyone was invited; the tables were arranged in villages. Each village had a different occupation that contributed to this _jubilee_. I sat with Prim and the Blacksmiths of district 2, even though we weren't blacksmiths, we just lived near them. I watched as they dug into their food, under different circumstances I would have done the same, but I just couldn't, I couldn't eat the food that the families of the tributes may have helped to lay on this table. But I did however, treat myself to some red wine.

The tributes weren't a secret; everyone seemed to know who they were going to be.

"…he's a strong one, he's definitely going to win." Said the man across from me.

"Do you think the failure of his father has made the decision for him?" asked his wife

"Has your friend said anything to you?" I asked. Prim dug into her chicken leg hungrily, and I felt sick.

"I have lots of friends who say things" Prim said licking the grease off her fingers, and I felt dizzy.

"Clove, I meant" I said leaning my head on my hands to keep down my breakfast. Prim glanced at Cloves table.

"Not really, she said she's volunteering because she knows she will win" she said proudly "Oh and she has a little crush on Cato" she added in a hushed voice

"Who's that?" I inquired.

"The other tribute"

I looked at Prim like she just grew a head, a pregnant pause followed. Interrupted by my sudden laughter. It overrode Prims questions as to what's so funny; people around looked at the table questioningly, wondering the same thing.

It was just, _just _SO absurd, I thought. Why you would above all VOLUNTEER into the hunger games and second why would you do it because you developed a liking to someone? When you _know _they're going to die, you might watch them get gruesomely murdered or worse, they might end up killing you. It seemed just so senseless.

My laughter died down, left to huge intakes of air to calm down. I haven't laughed like that in what seemed like a decade, I sadly realized. When I came back from my laughter-induced state I didn't notice that Clove had hurriedly made her way over. Had she heard what Prim said? She couldn't have…

"You told her didn't you!?" she screeched like a toddler, too loud for my ears. Prim didn't respond. She definitely heard.

"And what if she did?" I challenged, surprising myself. Maybe I shouldn't have drank the wine in one go.

Clove glared for a moment. "I saw you, you know. I saw you with him, trying to-to seduce him! In that rank coffee place" I felt anger bubble beneath my skin.

"The last thing I was doing was seducing him, trust Me." I said coldly, while Prim was trying her best to seem invisible.

"Trust you, a filthy rat from District 12?" she let out a sickening chuckle "I don't think so, and if you talk to him again I swea-"

"Clove, shut up" Prim said, surprising the both of us, and the onlookers who were enjoying the quarrel. "Im from District 12 too, you know, and she" she pointed at me "SHE is my sister!"

I looked at my sister in both pride and disbelief, we both stood up. Clove took a step back, we were about to leave but Clove felt the need burst out some more useless shit. Maybe she was drunk too.

"JUST, JUST DON'T TALK TO HIM!" I stopped; and decided to play along with her game.

"I don't know Clove, what if he decides he _wants_ to talk to _me_? " I kept on walking.

* * *

**IV**

I felt sick, again.

I was hunched over by the lake, which looked exceptionally haunting as the moon reflected on it. But then, he decided to sit next to me. Not just two feet up apart like it's socially acceptable, no, but _next _to me, like arms almost touched and our thighs definitely touched. And that's when I started to feel sick. That's when my spine shivered and my hands got sweaty. I knew who it was, off course. I heard them approach and open with the same pointless line again.

"Mind if I sit here?" and before I could even say 'Yes I do actually', he was already next to me, close to me, too close…suspiciously close.

"What do you want?" I interrogated

He let out a deep chuckle "A bit déjà vu, don't you think? But no, I er got a little bit of a lecture from Clove" _oh no_ "You know what she said?"

"Did she confess her undying love to you?" I said with dripping sarcasm

"Not quite, although she has before. Not exactly my type if you know what I mean" He said equally with sarcasm. I laughed, something I've been doing excessively tonight "She said that I shouldn't speak with some girl because she's out to get her, and with the wonderful display back there at the tables, I couldn't help but think you're the one"

"You saw that?"

"Yeah, nearly all of district 2 did, your fucking laughing fit was the best part though"

"Oh god, I didn't mean to laugh so loud, it just, just happened." I said

"What was so funny anyway? Everyone was wondering the same thing" he asked

I felt strange talking to him, I mean I hardly knew him. I thought over my next words carefully.

"My sister just…just told me why Clove wants to volunteer as tribute, she said she knows she will win, but the part that really got me was that she was also volunteering because, well she, likes you or something and I just lost it." I paused, regarding at his expensive looking suit "like she completely contradicted herself, she's determined to win it, yet to win she has to kill someone, someone she likes in order to win? It's absurd!" I couldn't help but let out a frustrated sigh. This whole night was just too much. Not just Clove, but the whole night, the too bright lights, the greasy food, the meaning behind everything, the warmness that was radiating from next to her, it was too much.

"You almost sound jealous" he smirked

"Yeah right" I turned to look at him, and suddenly he was too close, he was already looking at me, probably the whole time. Too close, too much. "So, Clove told you, to not speak to me?" I raised my eyebrow "but you still decided to come and find me, just so you could anyway?"

"Wrong" he smirked" I wasn't looking for you. I just like this place" he looked back to the lake

"I could care less if you want to curb stomp Clove, in fact I would appreciate it "He reached up, his hand gently cupping my cheek, his thumb running over the soft skin beneath my eyes, bubbling up madness in my skin. His eyes flew to mine, blazing blue met startling grey, they mixed and lingered dangerously. His lips parted, he wanted to say something, to tell me something. But before I could even understand the intimate gesture, he was gone.

The all too familiar warmth vanished and left me in a dazed mess of confusion and ire.


	4. Arena

**Arena**

_**40 days before**_

Fire grips at my throat. I cannot keep going, I need to stop, and I need to stop moving, stop walking. But alas I contradict every protest my mind is exclaiming-I am a walking contradiction. The desperate sensation of needing to see them propelling their screams, to see them alive and buzzing-compared to their usual drone behaviour, that renders me jaded- was overriding my fear of seeing Ares. And I-a mere teenager treated as a pariah in this vile district- am bustling with the same thrill. Will I be safe from his guarded eyes? The blank glower of the dark veneer covering those watchful eyes that seem to only bestow themselves upon me when I speak out of line or better yet don't speak at all. Oh, that intolerable slab of fear he stirs within my veins, the mask not once failing to invoke my nightmares! But yet I am still to cease my pace towards the end of the tunnel, the entrance enticing me to dare walk through it. And then I hear it, the thorough sound of chants and cheers from the hordes of people. I leer as I near the edge of the underground arena-which I have found is due to the old mining projects over fifty years ago.

My heart undergoes a plummeting chill as I arrive just in time to see him pounding the existence out of another fighter. But I do not waver my eyes from this violent mess; this I presume is because my revulsion for violence has diminished to nothing but an insignificant flicker of a flame.

There it is I see it! - Pride, I see how satisfied he truly is-the slight turn of his shoulders reveal his gratification of the fight. I feel like I'm beginning to recognize his emotions, I can almost feel the arrogance scorching holes into my existence-this I only grasp is when he's three feet absent from me.

"I knew you'd come back, couldn't get enough of me Katri?" he mused.

"I didn't come _here _for _you_" I laugh-something I seem to do now excessively-the name I gave him sounds alien to me "Believe it or not I think I like it down here" I confessed. His ever recurring flirting seemes to deflate, replaced with something more curious.

"Why- for the ever loving god- would someone like you, relish a place like, like-well a place like this?" he gestures towards the fuming flocks of people below us.

"Because it's repulsive- I mean look at them, they have the games, the hunger games and yet they want even more! Even more-more violent theatricality, how greedy and hungry for death are they!" I rant despite my old self telling me to stop my pointless tirade.

"Theatricality… You presume that what I do is an act? A performance?" he challenges, I feel like I should be scared, but Im not. This only fuels my mouth to spurt more nonsense.

"No, not a performance, a façade- you hide behind that mask, you use it to show your power or even your absence of power! You, you come here and beat someone to death because you can't beat the people that control you in your life outside the cage" I ramble

"Ah, clever girl" he mocks, and leans against the railings-facing me- and leanes down to my face whispering "but what if I come here to solely beat the fuck someone to death…what if I'm just a foul boy looking for a fight?" if I could see his face I knew it would be smirking.

"Well…then you're just a foul boy looking for a fight then aren't you?" I retort "but nobodies that simple, you come here for a reason, they all do"

"wait but you said that they just come here to see violence, you're contradicting yourself" he declares.

"I seem to do that a lot, I know" I confess. "So no death threats this time? No intense moments of silence?" I tease; I can't believe Im playfully speaking to him, like we seemed to talk before this.

"Do you want me to?" he grips my wrist and the fear comes almost whirling back. What does he mean? Do I want him to? To what? I don't know, I don't know, oh god I don't know! I know what he means but the way he-he-he fucking _said_ _it_ suggests something abysmal, something profound, and something I wouldn't be able to re-surface from.

The quarantine of my thoughts is broken by an unwelcome sensation in my stomach. My senses come reeling back with a force enough to propel me into a dazed state of vertigo. I swiftly notice I'm back in the dim emerald confines of his room alongside the jagged wall. I'm not trapped, I'm held in place, I'm not any longer dazed like a school girl-I'm brimming with hunger as those tools of destruction caress-no not caress, they, they possess my body.

I can't speak, the only sound escaping my mouth is those which I've never uttered before, his touch is warm but firm, almost bruising but surprisingly it just feels better. I thought I had to be dreaming. Nothing in my entire life had ever felt like that before. My very soul was aflame. I remember that there was devastating pain and intrusion, soon replaced by desire and the utter feeling of being starved for something for days. How did this escalated from death threats against a wall to demoralizingly astounding sex against another wall?

I've yet to realize that I've lost my virginity before my kiss, before falling in love, before being utterly head over heels as they do in stories. I don't even know what his face looks like. But it doesn't matter, it doesn't struck me as important because this, oh, _this_ is so much better than any illusion of love that there will ever be. His hands barely brush against every inch of skin I posses. The rawest of sensations fill my whole body and I feel the beginning and end of something extraordinary.

He lets me collapse on the floor as I relish in my comatose state before he lifts me up gently and seats me in the leather chair.

"If I had known that it would be this would feel_ so fucking fine _I would have done it so much sooner" I mumble to myself, not being able to filter my thoughts. There I go again sounding like a girl, but then I grasp that I _am_ a girl, and I'm fucking certified to act like one. I lift my eyes toward him and finally appreciate how sculpted and beautiful he is, how his arm muscles superseded each other as they pulled his clothes up.

"It only felt _fucking fine_ because I was equally fucking someone fine"

"Did you just make a joke? The restrictions that sex breaks are certainly valuable" I mused, suddenly his playful stance broke and again was confined by his arms.

"This didn't mean anything"


	5. Hit & Run

**Hit & Run**

_Doesn't…mean…anything_…those three words circulating in my mind like new found lyrics as I gape at those azure orbs-I've been naïve to the true nature of his deception and shams. How could I have not? He wears a mask for god's sake! Off course this didn't mean anything. I could only stare-not feel cheap and foolish for letting him touch me, for letting the first man touch me in this way and for letting him say it was insignificant.

"What does that mean?" I interrogate, he lets me go. He seemed to be confused as he shakes his head.

"I mean, I mean that just becau-because that urm-look" he exhales and collapses on the bed behind me, holding his covered head in his hands. This is when I'm reminded that he's just a boy-just a boy who had intercourse with a virgin. Then it clicks.

"…you think that I'll get attached to you don't you" I state

"This wasn't supposed to happen"

"Wasn't supposed to happen? You led me here, twice!" I accuse, he snaps his head towards me, stands tall and approaches my barely clothed form.

"You didn't reject me, you didn't deny me, and you came here on your own, Katri" he explained in his customary threatening tone. I understand what he means, but this is much more difficult than that. Does he not see how delicate and, well, weird this is?-We don't know each other, he by no means met me before, I've not once seen his face and that is NOT my name! In addition to this foothill of crap-I don't even like him and sure as hell he doesn't like me either.

"Oh right, as if your threats and overbearing presence didn't have anything to do with that?" I state, sounding considerably more confident than my exterior.

He doesn't answer. Doesn't even pay attention to me as the sound of what I presume to be his phone occupies the deafening silence. He looks at it once and…

"I have to go" he mutters.

"No..." I whisper. No? Why do I care if he leaves? He's half way out the emerald door when he looks back. Feeling guilty that he's leaving me huh?

"Get dressed, cleaners come in a few minutes" off course not, undoubtedly isn't even acquainted with the feeling. "I'll see you soon" he went on smugly. Before I can even reply with something sarcastic and witty, he has departed. Regardless of the overwhelming feeling of desolation, I am able to find my clothing and in spite of my treacherous shaking hands, I also succeed in putting them on. After I leave the room, I again am met with the same dispassionate looks. I don't feel the same anger I felt that time, instead I am met with an unruffled and virtually agentic sensation taking over my senses.

Once I am greeted with the dull walls of my house, I spend the remainder of the night in the same comatose state; I assemble the fragments of my memory and hope to god I feel the same oblivion I do to the events tonight, in the morning.

_**39 days before**_

I never knew it before. I never understood why women seemed to despise each other. Why they criticized each other on such minor and petty matters.

However,

I do now.

I know because there's this fiery irritation climbing up my throat, I know because I despise the everlasting revolted expression on Cloves face. As if the mere sight of me makes her gag, but then again that could be just her natural expression, but then again I could be wrong. Clove is standing on my porch, staring at me expectantly. Great.

"Well are you going to let me in?" she half asks half demands

"Unlikely" I retort

"Unlikely…is this about what happened the other day? " she snickers "Don't worry about it-wait what's your name?, alice? No wait its starts with a K doesn't it? silly me, its um-"

"Katniss" I interject

"Oh yes! Katniss, yeah don't worry about it, I talked to Cato and he said that you just wanted to know the book he was reading!" she smiles; I retract and wonder how she will gain sponsors in the games with that disturbing grin.

"um, yeah"

She barges in and screeches Prims name, I admire her screeching and wish I sounded like a dying goose also. The pain between my thighs intensifies as I try to not laugh.. For the fifth time that morning I am reminded the events the day before, followed by the shame and embarrassment, which is refuted with me trying to justify it. But what is there to justify, to defend? I was so caught up in the moment and the new sensations that I didn't think of how my mind will be at war in the morning, I didn't expect the chaos it would cause in my head. He's such a coward, running away like that, from what? A needy girl he just had intercourse with-he does not know me, I am not poor of affection, I do not beg for it, I won't beg for it! My mind fills with vulgar visions exhibiting crude memories-I see him, all too alluring, young, and his stature lean and glazed in sweat, then there's me-breathless and willing.

This visage shatters and brings me out of my infatuated state by the sight of Prim and Clove looking at me as if I've done something outrageous.

"…what?" I ask, confused.

Prim sighs "I said do you want to go out with us today?" she pauses "Actually, you don't have a choice- you look ill, some fresh air will do your good sister" she beams at me like she just did said something amazing.

"If I am ill, surely staying in would be better" I argue, I really don't want to be near Clove today, I really don't.

"Nope, increasing you bodily activity while you're ill actually heightens your immune system! We learned it in class" Clove states.

"Your what?" I query

"its you-"

"It doesn't matter, just get dressed" Prim butt in "please" she adds. And for sixth time that morning, I relive the happenings of last night, this time by a simple phrase -"_get dressed_" it seems I always lack clothes or they're just not good enough. Great.  
I remerge fifteen minutes later, I made sure I took my time putting on my clothes-black tank top and jeans, hoping Prim and Clove would get tired of waiting and leave without me but no avail as I find them chatting before me. Great.

I trail them as they make their way through the district; we intervene our way into the back of the districts market. Clove halts and leads Prim and I into my coffee shop, which I don't even buy coffee from. Prim surveys the shop and voices what I am thinking.

"Why are we in here?" she looks at Clove questioningly "you don't even like coffee" she states

"They don't sell _just_ coffee Prim! But you're right" she grins "I don't like coffee, however, I do like _him_" I turn my eyes to the boy she mentioned; grey meets azure.

"CATO!" Clove squeals.

Great.


	6. The lake II

**The lake II**

Cato seemed confused at first, eventually his face reflected exactly how I felt; annoyed and don't-want-to-be-here. And nothing seemed to stop me as I watched his eyes swallow me up. I saw the grin he tried to compress as I also observed him.

The night at the lake replayed at the back of my mind, something that needed to be solved, especially the gentle touch, yes this needed to be unravelled before I felt even more aggravated.

But before I could, Clove descended upon him like a kid at a playground.

"Cato! What are you doing here? We were just passing by you know and suddenly here you are!" she declares, sounding as if she did not plan this at all, nope.

"What does it look like im doing?!" he retorts trying to unclasp her arms around him. "Clove really, get off me, you're never like this normally"

"Aw someone's in a grumpy mood" she releases him. I'm surprised at her strength. "Come on Everdeen's, sit down"

Prim and I sit down opposite them. Cato glances at me with an exasperated expression; does he know that Clove planned this?

He's dressed in his ever recurring style of black wife beater and track bottoms, this boy is sure of a fitness freak, or just ready for the games, I don't know, I don't honestly care right now because Clove is interrupting every trail of thought I seem to develop.

"….Cato, he's going into the games with me!"

"I know, you like talk about him all the time Clove"

"As if! You joker!" she giggles "Did I ever mention how much he trains?"

"Yes" Prim answers

"Oh"

I remain quiet and Cato appears to be ignoring Cloves too close closeness, silence ensues and I feel awkward and out of place. Prim is tapping her fingers, Clove is staring blankly at Cato's bruised hand as he stares at me shifting in my seat. I really don't want to be here.

I want to walk home and sleep away the uncomfortable aching in my abdomen.

"You alright?" his voice breaks my train of thought and I'm bemused.

"What? yeah I'm fine" I quickly pull a strand of my hair back.

"You sure?" he grins.

"So Katniss! Where were you yesterday? Prim said you didn't come home till late?" she gasps "what _have_ you been doing?" she questions icily.

I have not been thinking of an excuse the minute I woke up, I haven't even considered the possibility that Prim was aware of my absence and to be honest, I don't care. I don't feel like I need an excuse, who is there to judge me, better yet, who is there that the opinion of matters to me?

"I was out" I state

Clove rolls her eyes "Yeah we know that, I mean what you were _doing_?"

"None of your business Clove" Cato suddenly said. "I'm sure she was just…restless, adjusting to the district and all"

Restless-I snort inwardly at his accurate wording.

We lock eyes and I hope he receives my silent thank you, but what I am met with is not just a blank stare that I was expecting but instead I am met with his empty eyes which lead me to his soul so perfectly empty.

And I am too cold. I feel exposed and I feel irrevocably naked. There is nothing to stop me from supressing a shiver; the remnants of my memory from last night once more flood my mind and there is nothing to stop me from suddenly running out from the coffee shop.

I walk until I feel a burning in my legs and my mind has no other function but to rationalize as to why I feel as if I have been burned. I reach the familiar landscape of the lake.

He has no right to look at me like **_that._**

Absolutely none at all to look at me as if, as if he wants me- like **_that._**

The realization of what I have done the night before comes crashing down and I feel empty. Empty as the heart of the man who I spent my night with, and I feel equally empty. Instinct takes over and i strip my clothes down to my knickers and enter the cold confines of the lake. The sun is setting and I need to rid myself of the smell that embodies him off my body.

Maybe if I tried hard enough last night would disappear.

But I enjoyed it didn't I?

So why do I feel as if I've lost something.

I am willing, I am ready to drown. I thought that I could get over this, but I don't know how.

But I know this will never change. It's been like this too long now-my father dies and I march through it, my mother dies and I stumble through it, my innocence dies and I **_will _**not allow the misery to drown me.

I am broken from the confines of my thoughts by a loud, suggestive whistle. I cower my body beneath the water's surface.

"Never took you for a skinny dipper"

It was him. It was the virulent blond who will not seem to leave me. Standing with his hands in his pockets and accessorized with a never ceasing smugness.

"How long have you been standing there?" I gasp out

"Just now, you bolted and being the caring and amazing gentleman that I am-I followed you"

"And a terrible liar" I add.

"So are you going to just stand there?" I ask

He stares at me for a moment "Do you want me to?"

"Just turn around" I sigh

Cato turns around but that doesn't stop him from spewing useless questions.

"So why did you bolt?"

I emerge from the lake and feel the numbing coldness finally hit me- my fingers are useless and motionless. I reach for my bra and put it on but my fingers render me useless in closing it. I let out a sigh.

Abruptly, warm fingers grab my waist and clasp my bra.

"I didn't want to be there" I reply with a shaking in my voice.

He reaches for my top and motions for me to put my arms up-like I am child. I feel my fingers unfreezing and pull it on along with the rest of my clothes.

I face him and feel the inferno of a volcano build up in my stomach.

I must be _really_ ill today.

I don't want to look into his eyes; I don't want to feel the empty void of emotions linger in his cerulean eyes.

But I was never good at denying myself.

And so I glance and see that he's already looking at me.

And his eyes are **_alive. _**They are aggressive and they are hungry but above all they are simply **_magnetic_**. He's not empty, because his eyes are nothing but dripping with emotion.

I couldn't help but stare and memorize every detail and emotion his irises were radiating.

"You ran away from me" he declared.

And the magic was dispelled and I was faced with his conviction. I wanted nothing more but to flee from his presence,again. From his dominant gaze and the welcoming warmth that was too close to me. Always too close.

Some small, logical part of me told me to do so, to sprint and don't look back. To go back home and forget the embarrassing state I'm in and of what I've done. But my feet were glued to the ground. All I could focus on was how my clothes were stuck to my damp skin and how I wanted to do nothing more but to peel them off- and he was standing too close, always so fucking close.

I could reach up and run my hands through his hair if I wanted too, I could run it further down his chest and lower and lower unti-He was too much. He was too fucking much.

"I feel empty when I look at you" I admit silently. I let out a suppressed, nervous breath as he placed his hand on my hip, under my top. The feeling so unbearable and electric I wanted to jump out of my skin because it felt like i was being burned.

"Does this make you feel empty?" he questioned

"-do you think they are?" came a distant voice.

And the moment vanished.

The magnetism was cut off.

I staggered backwards. He looked perplexed.

What just happened?


	7. Unravelling Knots

**Thanks to all those who reviewed, I honestly like the long reviews that people seem compelled to write even if they dont have too, i appreciate that. As I've said before, this is my first proper story...like ever, so im not sure at how to portay characters or why i even write them as i do. I dont know where im going with this. Boring chapter. k thanks bye**

* * *

**Unravelling knots**

_**37 days before**_

There's something in the air at the moment. Everything is still and cold and soft. There are cracks running through my bones. I feel as if I'm in an endless vertigo of anguish as I stare at the memoirs of my mother. The antique brush with her ivory hair still devoted in it. I came upon her memories as I was cleaning and now there's tears running through the surface of my cheeks. Every day the world gets bigger and I get smaller. I am confined in the halls of my house and I am in the depths of my mind.

It's getting harder to separate the things I am feeling and the things I think I am feeling. If I could find the words I'm looking for describe how I am feeling, it would still not be enough.

I trace my index finger across my mother's photo and wish she was here to tell me that everything is okay. That it is okay to feel conflicted and angry. That it is okay to be weak. I want her to tell me how she managed to get over his death, so maybe I could get over her's. But she was never over it, anyway. I'm too heart-stoppingly scared of the world and my hands won't stop shaking long enough for me to wipe away the tears.

I need someone to love me, to tell me it's okay or else I will destroy myself. How strange it always is to lose control. I wonder what it would be like to be able to be born into normalcy, to feel part of something bigger, to only have my one dimensional wants and needs interfere with my everyday living. It's been so long since that's been true, I can't remember. And then when I think I do, it turns out I'm just violently manic and the embarrassment chains me to my bed. All-too-suddenly I'm provoked with the fact that eventually things end and new things begin.

My heart is not ready for the new things at all.

* * *

**II**

_**36 days before**_

It was one of **_those _**days in the district.

Those days of celebration where all people-not matter if they want to cut open their legs or want to die, they still come and celebrate and smile. It was a birthday. Everyone got an invitation letter through their post and unfortunately I did too, so here I am, sitting on a bar stool on my own and in a fancy dress-_well_, fancy for me.

It was pretty simple-no straps, short, black and gold with a bow underneath my breasts. Very affordable too, probably the cheapest dress in the room. Why I chose to come here, I'm not sure yet. Maybe the suffocating feeling of being stuck in a house on my own with my thoughts became too much, or maybe the overbearing feeling of isolation struck me as pathetic or how about the fact it was my mother's birthday today also. No, I'm not sure why I came here or why I dressed up, why I bothered to look presentable when everything around me seems to be crumbling down.

Cato was striding tenaciously towards me, dressed in a rather fetching black suit, his eyes scattering over my body, top to bottom-and I watched, entranced as that signature smugness seemed to smother everything around him.

And then I remembered why I put on a dress, why I slipped on heels and why I wobbled in my heels over here. The reason simply is tha-

"You look different" he states. Never mind.

Must that be all that accumulates from his mind?

"Oh, dear Everdeen. Don't look so sad, you _do _look different, you know, since I never seen you in a dress"

"Right" I admit

"I have however, seen you naked" My eyes widen.

"Half naked" I correct.

"Right." He seems to contemplate something as he orders some expensive drinks "So, what are you doing here on your own, Everdeen?"

"Stop calling me that, and I was invited"

"Do you know why?" he questions, as he hands me a shot.

"Not really" I admit awkwardly.

"You will soon enough, don't worry" he downs his shot "Drink up"

"You didn't drug this did yo-"

"If I wanted to get into your pants I wouldn't need to drug you" he states arrogantly as I finish up my shot. And im taken aback by what he said, and my throat is burning where the traces of the fiery liquid ran down my throat. I cannot begin to describe the reason as to why there's warmness in my cheeks.

"Ugh, you are _so _full of yourself" I lash out. I shouldn't have. I shouldn't have because I don't mean that, but he's too close to me-always so fucking close. And i get defensive when somebodies too close.

"And you are an emotional wreck who can't control herself. We're all a bit full of something Katniss, just like you are full of-"

"Full of what? Cato?" I cannot let him degrade me, I cannot let him speak to me, I cannot let him get to me. "You don't know me, so don't make petty assumption-"

"I could say the same thing to you" his low voice revokes an old feeling of which I cannot seem to identify. There's that feeling again, the one that renders me senseless-he is too close, constantly.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to, well I didn't mean to get so pissed off, it's just that today" I admit, I give in.

Am I weak?

He looks at me, he looks straight at me. And I feel exposed.

"Its fine, forget it, I have a short temper, I'm sorry" he smiles. He sits down beside me on the deep red bar stool.

And I feel okay.

I take another shot of that fiery drink but this time I do it slowly. The liquid travels down my throat and into my mind.

And I feel tranquil.

I catch his eyes but I don't look away. They're the same as they were at the lake, full of raw emotion and curiosity. But how can I know that? Why can I read those eyes as they are just a book.

And I feel powerful.

"So, what happened today to piss you off?" he asks me as he loosens his bow tie. I feel an endearing desire to correct it. I could simply reach out and pull it to the centre, maybe loosen it all together. Or maybe even take it off, unbutton his shirt and run my hands down his ches-

"It is my mother's birthday today, and ironically there's a birthday party in the district too" I answer.

"Why are you out here instead of at home with Prim and your mother then?" he asks, confused. And I laugh.

And I feel bitter.

"Cato, she's dead." I smile. "She killed herself, I knew she would eventually, we all did" I admit. I expected pity but his face only showed empathy. His hand suddenly bears weight on mine, it didn't bother me one bit. I fixed his bow tie as he stared at me. It was so natural to do that. But it was sapping the life out of me.


	8. Whisky

**Shout out to the star of this chapter-you rock drunk guy! oh and catpiss totes is drinking under the age limit pfft i think how old is she here idk 17? idk bye**

* * *

** Whisky **

I feel like time has frozen, there is this huge space within me that is beginning to fill. With what?-I don't know. I'm not in control of myself or my feelings and it's brutally fucking frustrating—things got complicated so quickly and so ferociously that I didn't have time to catch my breath and try to hold onto them—and I don't know how to fix it. How do I fix that night with Ares? I don't feel the slightest regret but then again the shame I bear from my consciousness is overwhelming.

But then I look up and I see Cato's eyes, so blue and playful-and everything seems fine. Maybe chaos doesn't mean it's bad, maybe simplicity isn't what I need right now. The muddled emotions that keep me awake at night-maybe they don't need to sorted, because everything is alright, right now- for now.

"You okay?" he whispers.

I am dancing-if you can call just spinning slowly in circles dancing, that is. Nevertheless this is nice, Cato had asked me to dance I was going to refuse but off course I didn't have a choice, he all but asked to dance then just dragged me to the centre of the ballroom. Smooth.

"I guess so, just thinking" he twirls me around.

"That's no good, you're dancing with the most important person in the room" he smirks "You should be star struck or something" he remarks.

"Oh I am, my head is just full of thoughts centred on you" I reply sarcastically, but then again it is half true.

"Have you ever danced before?" he asks

"Not really, I mean I have, but not like this, not with a boy, but with my sister when I was younger .Even though we weren't going to need to dance at any fancy occasions-mother still taught us about it. I guess I should be thankful. "

"Have you?" I ask stupidly, off course he has!

"Er yeah, my grandfather taught me" he smiles. "He thought it would help me get girls, not that I needed help or girls, he kinda-well he was a bit hysterically egocentric to be honest" he laughs, and I laugh. "Although now that I think about it, it did help" he adds

"How so?" I ask, confused. I decide not to question his use of past tense when he talked about his grandfather, I didn't want him to relive whatever loss he may have had.

"It helped me get you" he answers, the dancing seizes as my eyes are glue to his and I continue to stare. I could see the look within and I now knew what it meant, what that look in the coffee shop was and what it was at the lake-its simply _I want more. _

He breaks away from me "Do yo-I'll get some drinks"

"Er yeah sure" I look down at my shoes and back to see he's gone.

I can feel heat blooming my cheeks, the deafening thudding of my heartbeat sang at back of my head, sweat built in my palms. When the music stopped I thought I've gone deaf, but the sound of a high pitched voice ruled that out.

"And now, Ladies and Gentlemen-it's time for the main attraction, the one whose existence is marked on this very day 18 years ago, the one who promises to lead this district to victory…" Finally I get to see the dick who insisted that I leave the comforts of my bed this morning through a stupid letter.

"Hey, here's your drink" If I could jump out of my skin I would have done so, but I take my shot from Cato's hand.

"...It's time for the birthday boy-or man should I say? -Give it up for Cato!" and I nearly spit out my drink as I turn to stare at said birthday boy, to only find him already making his way to the stage.

Oh, mY GOD!

Why didn't he say anything? But then again he kind of did _"You will soon enough don't worry." _Why does he have to be so damn cryptic?

The applause and cheers of the people around me distract me from my inner frustration. The one next to me whistles and shouts happy birthday, does Cato even know all these people? Some of them look deranged and I don't know how to feel about this. Cato is on the stage and the spotlight illuminates his form. His hair looks pure white and his eyes appear translucent. He looks almost godly.

"Good evening, gentlemen, _ladies_" someone fucking whistles "Today I turn eighteen, but I still feel like a kid" some drunk guy shouts "_you rock cah-o"_ "…I am thankful to everyone who showed up today, because this is a very important day. " is a speech really necessary? Like really? "As you may all know, it's not long till the games….My father-he-he promised to win them, but he didn't…and I am sorry, but now I promise you … I will bring glory to our district once more " he looks straight at me as everyone cheers once more, he grins "Also, I would like you to welcome the newest addition to district two…" no, don't say it, don't do it, I shake my head as he continues to grin at me "Katr-Katniss Everdeen!" he stuttered and the spotlight lands on me.

"Come up here, Everdeen!" that shitfaced grin still in place. I look around and feel naked as their eyes land on my existence.

"You rock catpiss" yells the drunk guy

"You don't even know me" I whisper

"Come on, don't be shy" he mutters through the microphone. I near the stage and stand next to him "You. Are. _So_. Paying. For. This." I whisper.

"That's fine I'm pretty rich" he whispers back. "Could you hold this please?" he hands me the microphone.

He hands me the microphone.

_He hands me the microphone and I __**take it. **_The sly bastard.

I don't know what to say, why did he even call me up here? Smug shitfaced jerk.

"I er…" their blank faces reprimand my thoughts "I'm Katniss…Everdeen, but uh you know that already…cuz he said it." That was stupid. I turn to Cato in confusion, what am I supposed to say? He's just amusing himself with my struggling failure, great. "It's really nice to be here, like in the district, it's nice…yeah…oh and I would like to thank everyone who welcomed me? And this party-thing is nice, really nice….ok um happy birthday to Cato" everyone cheers again "oh and drunk guy my name is Katniss not catpiss okay thanks bye!" Again they cheer for absolutely nothing or the worst speech in the history of speeches. I love drunken people! They're so easy to please.

I turn furiously to Cato, grab him and walk off stage. Smooth.

"What were you thinking!?" I half shout half ask. He's doesn't seem fazed by it.

"I simply wanted to see you lose your shit" he answers smugly, the grin wipes off his face replaced with a smile "Plus you looked pretty lonely all alone in the middle of the dance floor."

"Well I didn't need you to rescue me" I reassured him

"I know" he states simply "but I wanted to"

And then I make the mistake of looking into his eyes, again. His gaze drinks me up-dark and lively-I wonder what he sees when he looks into my eyes. Does he notice that my breath has gone shallow, does he notice my tongue quickly darting out to lick my own lips. Does he notice it all in the span of five seconds?

And then, as he ran his thumb across my lower lip, just once, the friction almost paralyzing, my stomach tightened, and the pounding of my heart overwhelmed my head. I couldn't look away, because warm lips came meeting mine, he tasted like whisky, he tasted exquisite. And then I knew the answer.

_Yes, he does notice._


	9. In time

**In time**

Time didn't matter. Where I was didn't matter. Who I am doesn't matter. My morals don't matter. I feel like I am too close to the sun, I am burning and there is an equal hunger within me that reflects his own as his mouth digs into mine and his palms grasp and brush my neck.

Fire is burning through every thought I stumble into. I feel as if my knees will give out.

I felt a force against my back and I could only assume he led me backstage through the door behind us.

Oh, how I wish I could see this scene from someone else's eyes- I want to see the brash moves and the hurried flimsy hands that I run through his hair and down his chest. I want to see how I look when I'm on fire; I want to see if he looks just as frantic as I do.

His boxers, his trousers, shirt and blazer. My white underwear and dress- just six layers between us and white hot desire. He was kissing me furiously, he was kissing me lightly, and then he would kiss me gently, and then repeat-I felt a warm sensation in my abdomen, and it was building up more and more as he repeated the motions of kissing me and ghosting his hands over my thighs as if I would break if he so touched them. I gripped onto his hair, not caring if it hurt him, just needing something to hold on too. I felt like I was about to- about to explode I could feel the start of something wi-

I stopped, startled-because his hands were about to slide between my thighs-I feel his gaze on me again- dark and stormy but still brilliantly blue, with a deadly desperation there, and then my I realized I was panting and my spine was tingling, and I was aware of an even loud pumping of my heart in the back of my head-he gently brushed the length of my thighs, I could have sworn I felt his heartbeat though his fingers-the same wild rhythm of my own. The smell of cigarettes and the sweet but burning smell of whisky filled my nostrils, overwhelming, uncontrollable and unpredictable; I thought that's what I would use to describe him. Cato.

And then we just stared at each other-we looked and felt the aftermath of what was supposed to be and what was supposed to happen.

He took a step away from me-his eyes were still holding my clouded ones-his were something darker, something I didn't understand-something that might have been remorse, but it was too dark and too hard to tell and it came and went so quickly, too quickly-I started to wonder if it even happened, and then I felt like I should say something.

"Cato …" his name rolled off my tongue between intakes of breath. Even his name sounded rhythmic.

Ca-to.

All of a sudden he reached out and twirled a loose strand of my hair behind my ear-he looked like he didn't even know what he was doing, heck I didn't even know what I was doing. Then he said something

"I'm sorry" he murmured

And I thought I would melt right then and there because he sounded like he meant it, meant it more than anything he has ever said and his voice was low and it was truthful-none of the previous humour or the suggestive tone he would talk in usually, which made me think that his sorry was meant for something far deeper, something that was unknown to me, I don't know. But I knew that he meant it.

"Do you-we should get back to your party" I said between breaths

"yeah, but you might want to fix your dress first" he said as he looked me up, and he was right, my dress was much higher than the last time I looked at it and I thought that my hair was also not the same as I put it up tonight. His grin didn't do anything but make me self-conscious, and I don't usually feel like that, in fact I never really had time to pay attention to my looks.

"Oh, do you know where the bathroom is?"

"Somewhere down there, I think" he pointed to my right, I nodded and he said he'll be by the bar when I'm ready.

* * *

In the tiny bathroom the mirrors showed me that I was right to think that my hair was a mess, but what I didn't expect to see were my swollen lips that were still too sensitive after, or my cheeks that were too pink, and what I least expected was the sticky mess that appeared in my underwear. I was horrified and felt a little embarrassed, but I thought that there's no need for embarrassment, just pure horror as to what he could do just by simply kissing me.

When I re-entered the party, the sound of the loud voices and talking brought me back to the arena, and all I could do was feel guilty. I knew that Ares and I have nothing really going on, at least that's what I kept telling myself, and that he was just a person who I happen to have had lost my virginity to in a spur of the moment-no big deal, right?

In all honesty, I felt awful.

I felt like a horrible person and I felt like a horrible sister all at once. Cato seemed to know something was up as I approached the bar.

"You alright?" he asked, confused.

"um yeah, listen, I think I should be going" I tried to think an excuse "I told my sister I'll be home soon, so yeah" I don't know if he could see through my lie or not, but he seemed to let me go anyway-on one condition though, that he would walk me home.

So there we were, walking and talking, I found it surprising how easily we could talk-I guess making out for 10 minutes seems to improve things, huh- he told me about his training and I told him about hunting.

"You rebel! How d'you get past the electric fence?" he asked me, I told him how in district 12 the fence was never on.

Pale blue bricks and ugly black window frames came in sight, we reached my house and I thought I should just tell my bye's and thanks and go but he had other ideas.

"So, do you miss your district?" he asks out of nowhere

"Irrevocably, absolutely, yes." I mumbled back, hoping he heard me "but district two isn't…so bad I guess" I say as I stare at him, he smiles and I feel detached from reality and everything around me as for the second time that evening he tucked a curl of my hair back behind my ear.

"See you soon" he says as he starts walking back, and it sounds ever so familiar

"yeah you too, happy birthday by the way" I try to say as nonchalantly as possible

"Thanks…" he says quietly enough so I could hear, but I swear I could have heard him say Katri at the end, I got annoyed-thinking who the hell is Katri, and I start telling myself I'm not jealous-but then I remember that that's me, that's the fake name I gave to Ares. Katri Allard.

It couldn't be.

I probably heard him wrong. That must be it.

I turn away from his disappearing silhouette and enter the house, immediately tossing off my heels to the side of the kitchen, and I take a shower-a soft mildew grows on the walls of the shower, spreading and growing and spreading. And I think that this is when I am at my best, this thinking and reminiscing and feeling everything that happened tonight or happened in the past, and I feel like none of those things can reach me again but when I think about Cato holding me, touching me, kissing me-they all reached me and I felt overwhelmed.

Water trickles down the faucet, tapping the sink with a gentle reminder. This is how time passes. And I never felt like this, I never felt like I don't care, I never felt like I have no responsibilities, there has always been something that I needed to accomplish, needed to make sure happened or didn't happen-but as the warm water hits my shoulders and travels down my body to make its way into the drain, all that comes to mind is that I don't have a care in the world, not one.

I didn't seem to care that I had sex before my kiss, both given to different people, and I didn't care that the distance between my sister and I seems to grow farther and farther apart with each hour. But this is how time passes, and I didn't care.

All I could do was stop and inhale what is around me, and hope I learnt to appreciate it enough.


	10. Speak Of The Devil

**Speak of the Devil**

_**33 days before**_

I told myself that it didn't mean anything. I told myself that Ares didn't mean anything and that Cato didn't mean anything- they were both just boys who didn't know any better. But I knew I was just lying to myself, because both of them are much deeper than that-Ares isn't just a mask and Cato isn't just an arrogant brat, it just wasn't true.

Ares knows things; he picks up and absorbs everything and everyone around him. He knows what makes people tick, what makes people weak in the knees and knows exactly what to say to make me red from anger. I haven't seen his face but I can tell if he's smirking just by his fucking voice, which even then is incoherent. His hands are rough and they are strong and always bloody or bruised-there is something unimaginably dark about him, something enigmatic.  
And I am just intrigued I guess, I want to know why he does everything he does. I have never met a man who fights like he does but still can touch woman without leaving bruises.

Cato isn't as arrogant as he lets on to be, I think. He has got this face, this face that if you put him into Greek armour he would look perfect, shining and almost godly. But if he lets you in, or when you look at him when he isn't paying attention, his face contorts into something more than perfect-it's this kind of emotion that just makes a girl want to freeze time so she can just look at it forever to just wonder of what in the world he is thinking about. And I think that's the real Cato.

But I shouldn't compare. It's not fair.

And I feel so sad today. I feel nostalgic-as if I could open the door to my house and step into the district 12, see the sun beaming down on me, I would look to my right and I would see Gale doing the same. And I would look to my left and I would see the forest that always welcomes me in, and I would look behind me and see my mother and Prim, maybe I would look up and see my father. Maybe I would see that everything is alright and simple.

But who am I kidding, it isn't that simple. Everything is behind me-this saddens me. The games are drawing nearer and nearer-the thought of Cato raising his hand in the reaping or just seeing him on the television comes to mind, this thought makes me sadder. Even Clove-who I wholeheartedly despise-even her volunteering makes me mourn.

Maybe I shouldn't get any closer to Cato. Maybe that would stop me from feeling this way, feeling every possible horrible worrying emotion while watching him on the TV in my living room where I am safe and he is fighting for everything, in danger.

I don't want that to happen.

* * *

**II**

The arena looked the same just as the last time I saw it. However it was hardly occupied-its mid-day and the fights haven't started yet. I felt a pull here when I was thinking where to go, and somehow I ended up back where my memories were the most vivid.

The smell of copper lingered in the air and it danced all around me, I could almost taste it. It made me sick to my stomach, so I walked to somewhere I haven't been in a long time.

I found myself to be within the familiar beige and emerald walls of room 02, however this time the masked man was nowhere to be seen.

Walking towards the bed I found the mask-_his _mask, I picked it up and stared at it. It was shaped and crafted perfectly to fit for his face. And as I touched the inside I tried to imagine what his face would look like-it was like a blind person touching another's face for the first time-but I couldn't imagine it, and maybe I didn't want too.

Right then there was a knock on the door-my heart leapt, I imagined the maskless Ares standing behind the emerald door, then a dozen thoughts flooded my mind on what I should say or do to explain as to why I'm here, I didn't even know why I was there. The doorknob turned slowly and my palms began to sweat. Then the door swings open to reveal a tall familiar figure.  
"Catnip"  
"Gale?" my voice comes out cracked, and stunned. "What are you-"  
"I came by to visit" he cuts me off, I try to think of something to say to disturb the silence but he glares at me and takes a few steps forward " I've been looking for you, you know you could have told me or or, left a letter, note or something. I mean imagine coming by your house after 2 days of you not showing up in the forest-at out meeting place-and then coming into your house only to see that the Gidden's have moved in" he looks almost angry, too angry and he stares at me with what could have been a fleeting look of hurt "and then, imagine me going to the mayors house, into the victors village, then having Madge explain to me that you've just abandoned our district! That you just left!" and I do imagine, I can see my room sheltering Lana Gidden's and her little sister, I can see June and Rhoal Gidden's complaining about the lack of meat on their plates and telling their kids to stop making so much noise from my tiny kitchen and then them eating from the table which was used to platter my mother's patients, I bet it's still soaked in blood, but most of all I can see Gale looking for me throughout the district asking for me.

"How did you find me?" I manage to finally say. "I asked around" and from then on I knew that Gale was hiding something- I didn't tell anybody where I would be going, I didn't even tell the district parole where I was heading. So how could he possibly know?  
"Okay" I lie, it's not okay, but I doubt he's willing to tell me anything due to the cold expression he's still wearing.

We stand in silence for a while, maybe couple of seconds, I'm not sure. But then Gale takes the final step forward and before I even know it leans down and clutches my lips.

And I don't feel anything.  
I don't feel anything.  
Nothing, except the awkward shape of his lips and the harsh graze of his stubble-I want to push him away, I want to get away from here, anywhere, not here, not now, expecially not here-not where Ares and I-

Gale is hurled to the floor and I can finally breathe, but I cannot stop myself from running to him, he was my friend, after all. I nudge him awake to only see a confused and furious look in his eyes.

I know who he's looking at. But before I can finally look at his face, he has his mask on already. I let out a breath I didn't know I was holding because I don't have to know who he is, not yet.  
He doesn't say anything, but I can tell he's furious, but Gale doesn't understand and before I can stop him he jumps up and takes a swings at Ares. Gale hasn't been in a fight before in his life, but somehow he is well built, not as built as Ares-which is why Ares catches his fist in his palm, I try to block out the sound of bones cracking but its futile.

I finally move to grasp hold of Gales arm, pulling it "Ares" I say, nothing "Ares, look at me, look at me" double nothing. I somehow manage to sound angry as I say "Let. Go."  
After a few more seconds of Gale struggling to keep his moans muffled, one finally escapes and only then does he let go.  
"You bastard!" Gale shouts as he cradles his fist. Ares stands silent and I try not feel powerless. Because I know how Gale thinks, I know what he will say next, what stupid thing he will say next, and there's nothing I can do to stop it. I can't even form a couple of words to tell him otherwise.  
"You, me, in there-the, the fucking cage" Gale pauses, swallowing nervously but somehow still sounding overconfident he says "if I win I get to break every bone in your right hand… and you take off your mask"  
I look at Gale as if I've seen him for the first time, if he wins I will know who Ares is, I will know. And Gale has gotten a little bigger, he looks well fed. He stood a tiny chance at beating him, but Ares would never agree to this, he wouldn't risk it besides he could just take Gale right here.  
"And if I win?" Ares says  
"Whatever you want" Gale replies "So deal?"  
"Deal" Ares muffled voice finalized the deal.

* * *

**I really hate Gale. Can you tell?**


	11. Slow Night

**Slow Night**

Ares abruptly leaves, and I am about to follow but then I hear Gales painful breaths.  
"I think it's broken" I say  
"Yeah, you don't have to be your mother to see that" he mumbles before he can stop himself, I guess I should feel bitter or angry, but only pity comes to mind. He glances at me, anger. "Are you going to just stand there or tell me who he is?" he questions.

He's an enigma, he's a mystery, he's a fighter, he is someone who is going to twist your neck towards your demise, but I don't say that.

"He's someone who you shouldn't have challenged" I say calmly instead. "Why Gale? He broke your fucking fist with one hand-and you what, want to fight him once more? In his home? In his arena!?" I couldn't stop the rage from showing in my voice

"Didn't know you swore" he said surprised. I'm even more aflame with anger; it's as if all I just said just flew over his head. "We have to get you out of here" I say, he laughs.

I sigh in resignation

"Don't you realize he will crush you?" Gale's gaze snaps to me  
"What makes you so sure that he will? Why are you putting so much…faith into him?" he questions aggressively.

"I don't, I don't know, I doesn't matter" I take a deep breath to calm down, it doesn't help.

I need to find someone, to stop this, I need Cato. He's good with words, he can persuade Ares to let, but then I have nothing to reassure me that Ares will care if it's one or two people fighting him- Ares would crush Cato too, I think, I mean Cato does train but I doubt he's ever been against someone like Ares. But maybe Ares would listen to Cato, but what would he say "hey guys stop fighting, save it for the hunger games" I doubt Ares would go for that, but Cato could stop it, I think, I hope. I am too distraught to keep up with Gale's words, but I don't care, I guess I'll just have to do this myself. I leave Gale in the room mid-sentence, and look for the immense presence that haunts my thoughts.

The arena is finally getting crowded, they look eager for the bloodshed-which I'm hoping to put an end to. Just once, I'd like to save some blood.

Ares seems to have disappeared into the pit.

I hurriedly walked out of the Arena, through the tunnel-where I first "met" Ares-and climbed up the metal ladder that seems to rattle with every step.

* * *

When I finally reach the surface I feel miles away from the centre of the district, even though it's just a 5 minute walk, but it felt like time was slowing down.  
Which I was grateful for-because I needed time to figure out where Cato lived, I never thought to ask, although that would have been a little invasive of me. I walk through the dimly lit streets, watching for any sign of life, or anyone who would know where he lived. But it seemed like only shadows graced my presence-they must have been in the Arena, I don't know.

And then like a match being lit on fire it dawned on me! Cato comes from a line of victors-excluding his father-so I hurried to the victors village, hoping that he would be home, he has to, what else would he be doing but training?

I stood in the centre of the village, surrounded by intimidatingly rich looking house. There must at least be a dozen of them or more, far more than the ones in my district, I think they had to build extra houses just because of the sheer number of victors district 2 seems to breed and toss out into the games.

I head towards the one on my left, knock once. Nothing. I knock twice. Nothing. I knock one, two and as I'm about to bring my fist onto the door, the next set of events seems to happen in a blur- it flung open to the face of none other than Clove herself, I don't register that the door has been opened as my fist was still heading right towards her pristine ever disgusted expression and hits her right on the cheek bone before she can say "what the fuck" or as she said it:  
"What th-WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU JUST PUNCH ME FOR" I retract my hand and look at her as if I just stepped on buttercups tail. I feel guilty, but damn did it feel good.

"I'm sorry! I didn't mean to but I was just knocking and you ope-"  
"you hit like a girl" Clove remarks as she glares thousand daggers at me  
"I am a girl" I say bluntly, I have the strange urge to laugh, I would have if it wasn't for the seriously evil look on Cloves face.

"Why are you here, 12?" Clove questions, arching her eyebrow suspiciously-and for good reason, I think of this from her perspective, if I tell her I'm looking for Cato, late nearly at night- she'll probably punch me back.

But I decide to tell her anyway.

The reaction is expected, until I reinforce it with "It's important, I need his help with something, can you just tell me where he lives?"  
"I don't trust you 12, and I won't tell you, I'll show you" I try not to think why she's helping me at all. She huddles back into the house, remerging with what appeared to be bunny slippers. I stare.

"Oh shut up, I couldn't find mine" comes her slicing voice.

"I wasn't even sayi-"  
"but you were thinking it!" She cuts me off, and leads me to Cato's house, which was in front of her house. She knocked 5 times before a pale, tall, blonde and hauntingly beautiful woman opened it. She must have been Cato's mother. She's not what I expected. I expected a controlling, strong and evil woman who puts her son into training so she can sustain her wealth and respect. But what greeted me instead were gentle, tired eyes and a tender expression.

"Oh, Clo, do you wish to come in? "Came her tired voice

"No, thank you-erh, Katniss-his friend needs to see him " she points at me, putting emphasis on friend, the woman looks at me and I feel like all sadness has swept over me because her eyes are so tired, a worn blue. And I just want to embrace her, pat her hair-because she reminded me of my mother-so much like my mother. A longing for their dead husbands and similar soft features that seem to be on the constantly brink of tears.

"He's not here, he went out just an hour ago, do you wish to wait inside, I'm sure he'll be back soon" she says. My fears became truth; he wasn't home, no Cato, no Gale. And I do want to come in, so bad, because she nearly smiles at the prospect of me saying yes.

"No, that's okay" Clove or "Clo" as his mother calls her, answers for me. And for a second I'm glad she's here, because if she wasn't I would have said yes.

We're back in the centre of the victors' village and I again feel powerless.

"What do you need him for, maybe I can help" she offers, and I'm surprised, Clove? Showing kindness? I think I died and went to hell.

"Can you stop a fight?" I ask

"Maybe"

And that's all I needed, just a tiny hope that someone could stop Ares from plummeting Gale into the ground.

* * *

I lead Clove through the tunnel, careful not to look at her awfully out of character slippers, and run towards the Arena as fast as we can. The sound of cheering gets louder and louder, like it's emerging from underwater towards the surface. So when we got the hypothetical surface, the cheering sounded crisp and clear.

"_Ares! Ares! Ares..."_ so many voices, chanting the same name. And this is when I know we cannot stop the inevitable.

I look at Cloves expression to see the same wonder on her face to appear as did mine the first time I came upon this underground pit. I again want to laugh, maybe cry, or both.

I bet she has questions, lots of them. But I don't have time as Ares emerges through the crowd, and I run towards him, through the overbearing arms of the crowd that reach towards Ares, I reach out to touch his arms as his hand pushes me back without looking with such force I hit the ground behind him, I shout out his name but it's drowned out above the rest.

He must have thought I was one of them. But that doesn't stop the flow of fury that lights me on fire. I push back up and run towards him again, this time yanking his arm towards me, he doesn't look but he tries to ascend me back on the ground.

"Ares, Ares it's me, it's me, Katniss" the mistake slips out before I can grasp it, and Katri Allard is no longer existent, he knows now, but he looks at me nonetheless, and stops trying to push me back.

"Ares, listen I know you want to fight him, but you don't have a reason to, why are, no why did you say yes" but the kiss flashes through my mind and I finally realize why he's fuming.

Ares, the almighty god of war…or a cage, is jealous.

"Ares, he kissed me" I put emphasis on me

"But did you want him to kiss you? Did you like him kissing you? Did you like him forcing himself on you?" he says coldly

"No" comes my quiet reply, I doubted he could hear me over the roar of chanting. But he nodded.

"And that's my reason, that's why I said yes" his hand flies towards my face, to only brush my lips with only his fingertips. As if to rub off Gales touch. My heartbeat is frantic as only what I can describe as energy runs through my lips.

This is his kiss…the friction from his fingertip running over my bottom lip.

And it's ten times better than Gales.

I let him go in the moment and the instant I do he opens the door to the cage and walks into it. Leaving me to feel ten times more powerless than what I felt before, but somehow I am okay with it.

I look towards Gale's spot to find him staring with intensity at me. He saw it.

I have no time to feel guilt because the quick sound of the bells fills the arena, to signify that the fight has started.

Ares is standing still. Waiting for the first move.

But so is Gale.

It seems forever until Ares walks towards Gale. Gale says something to Ares but I can't hear it over the chanting, whatever he said seemed to set Ares off because he charged towards him, Gale evades, Ares punches the Cage instead and with Ares back turned Gale sinks at few jabs into his side, wincing every time he uses his broken fist.

Ares snaps his head to Gale and with one cascading arm he pushes Gale into the side of the cage, he recovers quickly, but not quickly enough as Ares hurls him into the other side of the cage like a ragdoll. Ares stands still once more, his abdomen fully muscled, his fingers moving on their own against his leg, making his arm muscles ripple, and his veins were sticking out-his blood was pumping too fast, his heart was ticking like a time bomb.

But yet, he didn't break a sweat.

Gale manages to push himself up, his back is facing me and I can confirm that he has truly been building himself over the last month I've not seen him.

The crowd chants more loudly, the tension is thick in the air-everybody is thinking 'has he finally met his match?'

Gale is furious, Ares is calm. And that's when I realize that Gale is not a fighter, a fighter wouldn't let his anger take hold of their fists. Gale lunges forward in anger at Ares, who lets him, but Ares isn't moved, he is steady as a rock, Gales hasn't time to register shock as Ares swiftly takes hold of Gale's broken fist and a shout of pain squeezes just past his lips. I look away, and see Clove looking between the two, her expression the one of understanding.

When I look back into the cage I see that Gale is brought to his knees, his face bleeding, I grab onto the cage and shout his name. Ares' mask looks at me instead of Gale. I mouth 'let go' to him, gently. And then scream desperately "It's over, Ares, it's over, you can let go now, please!"

The final sound of the bells play and the caged door I'm clinging on too clicks open, I rush in and without knowing what I'm doing take Gales arms. Trying to lift him but to no avail.

The chanting is deafening by now.

Suddenly, Gale is taken off my arms by some people dressed in white -I look at Ares pleading for something, I don't know. I must have looked hysterical because Ares lifts me from the ground and says  
"They are medics, they will fix him" he reassures me.

He leads me out of the cage, away from the chanting, and as we reach room 02 I can feel tears binding my throat and searing my eyes. I cannot collapse, not now, not in front of him. I cannot even decipher why they have built up, maybe because I'm tired, maybe because I lost my once best friend, again.

He leads me to the bed, covered in emerald silk.

"Rest" he tells me and the moment I lay on the bed I felt drowsy-like I could sleep for years. He peels off my boots and black jeans as I try to not let consciousness evade me, because I want to remember this moment forever, remember everything about it-the way his arms rippled, the little sigh of frustration when he couldn't get my jeans off past my ankles for a moment and especially the moment when I was nearly failing consciousness with exhaustion dwindling over me, when he sat next to me with his naked back turned to me and started to undo his mask.

But then my surroundings turned to black and I finally was unconscious, with dreams of being stuck in a cage as men in white coats poked and prodded me. In the midst of my dreams I swear I could feel fingers dancing over my lips for a slipping moment.

* * *

**(◕‿◕✿) ****Well, what'dya think? I think I sort of like this chapter. forreal. k peace out, review if you want-it makes me****_ tingle. _**


	12. The God

**The God**

In the middle of the night, I feel perfect. The bed is perfectly comfy, and the more I press my body against it- the more secure and snug I feel. In fact the more I move the more it feels like it is holding me. Like someone's lips are pressed to my neck. Their heart against my back.

This feeling, I won't forget.

I'm falling.

And I'm asleep once more.

* * *

**II**

_**32 days before**_

I wake with the sun. I cannot see her, but I know she has risen-I feel it in my bones and the cracks of my lips as they beg for water. The hazy warmth from the night before has dimmed down to a mere flicker. The bed is nowhere near as comfy as I thought it was.

I reach for the glass of water on the nightstand someone left for me-not long ago too as its ice cold, the chilly steam has spread around the glass, letting my fingerprints to be imprinted on it.

The shower welcomes me with heat, and I replay the events from last night. Gale challenges Ares, loses. Is in hospital or something now. Ares takes me back here. Where is he?

And then I remember Clove, I entirely forgot about her-I just left her in the arena. I hoped she found her way back.

When I find my jeans neatly folded on the leather chair I pause, trying to imagine Ares folding them with care-I nearly laugh. But then I hear muffled arguing behind the door while I dress myself.

"…need to tell her, you know. It's not fair on either of you" said one high pitched voice, a female I assumed. "I can't, it's too complicated right now, can't you see that? And I'm not going too just because you hate her" came a much deeper one, strangely familiar.

"You need too! You have too! I don't-ugh what I think of her doesn't matter right now-you know why? Because this isn't a game, when you're in the games do you really think they won't check on you? Look at your background, your activities, everything! They will find out, and when they find this huge secret you've been harbouring-do you know what they'll do? Do you?! They will let the world know, she will know and it will be ten times worse than you just telling her face-to-face, Cato" Cato, Cato, Cato!?

What was he doing here? How does he know about this place? I bet he knew all along. I had so many questions, who they were talking about and more importantly what secret would Cato have that could possibly destroy him? No wonder I couldn't recognise his voice-it wasn't as nearly as smug and full of arrogance as it usually is. But I didn't have time to think of the answers as the high pitched voice, who I figured by now was probably Clove, continued their tirade.

"And what if you die? Not knowing? I know you, Cato and I know that you will spend your last remaining death wish on her! I saw you, how you touched her in there. Admit it to yourself, don't deny it, you might just die in the ga-"he cuts her off and shouts

"I won't die! and if I do, you will be the victor. Trust me you will. Promise me you will win if I don't and that you won't tell her"

"Why won't you just tel-"

"Promise me!"

There's a long pause before she answers.

"I promise"

I suddenly feel brimmed full of unexplained jealousy. Whoever he was trying to protect, he probably loved her. I wanted to cry, strangely.

I haven't thought of the kiss between us for a while, but it wasn't just that-it was also the strange sensation that there was always something burning between us. Whatever it was, it was dangerous, explosive and hot-blooded, but I guess only I seemed to think that-since he's in love with another.

I sigh. He was going to win for her, I bet she's beautiful. Whatever secret he's harbouring I hope she will forgive him, she will.

She will.

As I lift my second boot my grasp on it slips and the loud sound resonates throughout the stillness of the room-disturbing the ended argument outside my-no _his-_ door.

The door opens at the sound to divulge non-other that Clove, who looks relieved and a slipping expression of worry flashes on her face for a quick moment, this time not working the bunny slippers, instead going for something more practical. I decide to act as if I haven't eavesdropped; it wasn't any of my business anyway. Cato enters a few seconds after her, clad in a plane black sweatshirt and jeans, his blond hair now standing out more than ever. I am reminded once more how utterly gorgeous he is.

"Cato? What are you doing here?" I question breathlessly, trying not to stare at him.

"I er-"Clove cuts him off abruptly

"I led him here this morning, thought he should know about this place. You know? It's pretty cool, strange I never heard about it" she answers for him.

"Yeah, the capitol wouldn't like to know that district 2 has a dirty little secret now would they?" I joke, half-heartedly. But somehow it comes out sounding bitter. Clove and Cato share a look between each other. Clove glares at me. Finally things seem to be going back to normal!

"Do you any of you know where Gale is?" I ask. Cloves shoulders tense, Cato's hands curl into fists. I cannot begin to fathom why Gale has gotten them both so riled up.

But somehow, seeing Cato angry pleases me. I forget about his lover for a moment and let myself smile playfully. I hope he doesn't catch up with the fact I'm angry, he toyed with me at the ball, at the lake, and many times before and after. Maybe that's why he apologized to me that time- after stealing my first kiss, after leaving me breathless- for using me.

I take their silence as a no. "Fine, do you know where Ares is? The man in the mask" they both notably tense up even more. What do they know that I don't? I was definitely not in the mood to be toyed with and be kept secrets from right now.

I think they sensed my foul mood. I definitely did. It was soaking my mind in a black and red smoke of fury. Making everything dizzy and out of control.

"I think I saw him down stairs somewhere" Cato suggests. Clove throws him a curious look. I sigh in relief and exhaustion, scowling at the fact I have to walk all the way down the steps. Not being in the harsh enduring conditions of district 12 has made me superficially lazy.

As I walk out of room 02, I push past them-''unintentionally'' knocking hard against Cato's shoulder. I throw them a look-wondering if they'll follow. They don't. They stay rooted to the spot, and as I make my way to the stairs out of earshot I can see Clove shouting something at Cato as he scurries around the room.

Strange.

When I am finally near the boxed cage and the remains of what the crowd have tossed on the ground-I think of calling his name. But I doubt he would answer, as he never does when they chant it. He doesn't even acknowledge any of them-his fans, his worshippers.

I actually smile to myself at the concept-his name is Ares, the Greek God of War who was worshipped by many, but wasn't known for his kindness or humanity-hence the name. I thank for my little time in education in district 12, for I would not have the smile I do now seeing the irony.

My mind flashes back to the cage. Wondering how many fights has he had in his life within it, and has he ever lost? Then I remember that Gale said something to him, which made him inexplicable furious, I was craving to know what it was.

I checked each room on this floor, ignoring the locked ones. No sign of him or anyone else for that matter. Cato probably didn't see him; I'm surprised that neither Cato nor Clove has asked me how I've come about this place. And Clove not once brought up Ares, I know she saw the moment between us at the cage, and she nosy as hell- so why hasn't she said anything?

Strange

I head back up, intent on finding my God of War- who likes to neatly fold clothes and kiss with his fingertips.

* * *

**whatever**


	13. Blind

**Blind**

When I finally reached room 02 I was surprised to find it vacant. Deciding to look around upstairs for Ares or Gale, I go around the bend but hit something steel.

Unsurprisingly, I was wrong-it wasn't something, it was someone-with a remarkably hard chest.

Ares. Finally.  
He staggers back from me, surprised.  
"Katri" I drink him in. Black jeans and no shirt.

"Yeah, no it's Katniss, Ares, I lied to yo-"I try to say but he cuts me off  
"I know you did" he confesses

"What?" I say, surprised

"You're a terrible liar" No doubt that's true. "Anyway, been looking for me? I bet you have some questions, Katniss" he says, placing emphasis on my name

"Yeah, yes I do. " I say nervously, the sound of my name rolling from his hidden lips makes me tremble over my words "Gale, that guy you fought yesterday" I start; he visibly tenses "Where is he? You know, don't you?"

"Above." He states simply

"Above?" I ask

"He is above ground by now; the medics probably fixed him up and let him go" he says evenly.

"Right, right, off course, thanks" I smile shyly and turn away. I look back and see him standing there and notice that there was something so male and so powerful about Ares that it made me feel so innocent and delicate.

"Now now, _Katniss_. We have some unfinished business to do-why not step into my office" he gestures towards room 02. I think it wouldn't hurt to stay just a few minutes.

"Very funny" I remark

"Aren't I just" he snaps back cynically, as we get closer towards the confines of room 02, I can feel sweat venting from my palms and wiping them on my jeans doesn't change that fact. "My grandpa always said I could make a great comedian" he says as I suddenly feel the damp humidity of the underground weighing on me. "Do you want to hear a joke? You have no choice, you're hearing it anyway." We're in the room now.

"Ask me if I am a penguin" he says.

"Are you a penguin, Ares?" I ask

"No."

Silence ensues.

I wait for the punchline.

There is no punchline. That was literally the joke. I try not to laugh. I really do, but some jokes are so bad they're good.

"That's terrible, you're terrible at jokes" I say between laughs

"But it made you laugh, didn't it." I answered with a chuckle. He stared at me for a moment; at least I think he did. His hands twitched. He walked towards the bathroom and the sound of the shower filled the sudden silence he left.

"I thought we had some unfinished business!" I called out.

"Ares?" I call out again. The room was overwhelmingly empty without his looming presence over me. I think of going to check, but the thought makes my hands shake. Instead I take a few steps towards the bathroom; suddenly the mask is thrown on the floor and I freeze.

Behind that wall is the face of Ares. It might be horribly disfigured or scarred or someone I know. My mind was racing into an endless marathon which left me feeling hot in my cheeks and my mind no longer able to rationalize. Somewhere is that endless silence, I completely stop thinking- instinct takes over. And instinct is often quite stupid.

As if watching another person, I see myself walking towards the bathroom. And I turn to look into the shower; I am met with the blurry outline of his muscled back.

"Do you see something you like?" he says, I take a breath into my lungs as if it's the first time I'm breathing. "Close your eyes, Katniss"

Maybe because I'm afraid of knowing who is he is or because I simply can't look at him without shaking, I do as he says.

I hear the shower door open in front of me and wet footsteps meeting the tiles. I could feel his body heat radiate off him because of how dangerously close he was.

His warm, wet, hands reached under my t-shirt for a moment and lingered on my skin, before the garment was pulled off. For a moment all I could hear was his hot breath and my heartbeat at the back of my head. Then at another sudden moment his hands were gently brushing against my abdomen and I found it hard to keep from shaking.

"What are you doing to me, Ares?" I said out loud, more to myself.

I let him slide his hand down the front my jeans and breathe hotly into my ear and murmur, "Am I everything you thought I would be?" I wanted to freeze time, capture this feeling forever. Because it was the kind of feeling that people write songs about, that kind that keeps you fascinated for a lifetime—endlessly fascinated, absurdly fascinated. The kind that left you speechless with nothing to do but breathlessly breathe out the word "Yes", because the only thing you can do is breathe and just _feel. _

My jeans were being pulled off and I helped my kicking off my shoes and socks, but he helped more by taking off my underwear and bra. He led me to the shower where the hot water kissed my skin.

There was nothing between us anymore. Not out clothes, not the secrets, not his mask.

"Look at you, shaking like a deer," he rumbled. I felt the vibrations of his voice run through me. His familiar clear voice radiated through my chest. With every second we stood there the tension wound higher. Somewhere in that endless space, I found the strength to move my hands.

I found his chest and beneath my hand I could feel his rapid heartbeat, faster than mine. The thought of ceasing my hands from wandering crossed my mind once, but it was a tiny passing that I did not care for.

Not when I could finally feel the crevices of his soft lips, not when he draws one finger into his mouth. And definitely not when I could finally run my hands through his wet strands.

But then he placed those lips on my shoulder, I started to regret it because I could no longer stand without his arms holding me up against the wall, and I could longer control my shaking hands.

He tore his mouth away and then placed kisses across my neck, he placed his larger, warm hands on my hips. My hands disappeared into his hair, an action I barely even remembered doing through the fuzz. My heart stuttered as he placed open-mouthed kisses across my neck and collarbone. He fisted a hand in my hair, pushing it out of his way and allowing a whole expanse of skin to be attacked with his soft and talented, teasing lips.

"Kiss me" I breathed out.

His nose brushed my neck as he found a spot that made me squirm. My head tipped back, my body arcing into him in an uncontrollable response- skin on skin, fire on fire. My fingers in his hair tugged softly, and I angled my head so he could do it again.

"Not yet" he whispered.

"Please" I pled by gently squeezing a handful of him, my own urge sparked by the slight hitch in his breath, the shuddering sigh I hear falling from his mouth. He jerked under the touch, emitting a low, strangled sound, as if he was having some intense internal battle.

"Not. Yet" he growled. But he continued to kiss my skin, almost desperately.

"Why?" I asked, pushing my luck. His touch suddenly was pulled from my body. And for a moment I thought he left me.

"You can open your eyes now" he says. I sweep open my eyes and am met with his black mask back in place; it was as if he never took it off and I dreamt the whole ordeal.

"Ares…" I start, but lose my trail of thought as his fingers were back on my skin, where they belonged.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry" he said, placing his hands around my waist and his masks forehead against mine, before he pulled back and left. He didn't come back.

* * *

**idk i dont like writing sex scenes in fanfiction leave me alone sob i am the worst with present and past tenses like it just changes throughout the story frick**

**but anyway do u like idk **


	14. The Wait

**The Wait**

After he left I started doubting my sanity. What transpired between us, was it all something I dreamt? Am I still sleeping in his bed, with warmth enveloping me? I couldn't think straight. I forgot all of my worries previously, Gale? Who's Gale? Cato? I don't know. The air between us was so full of intensity it made it hard for me to remember what the fuck my name was. The only name that ran through my mind was _his_.

Ares.

It was always going to be him. Ares, Ares, Ares! Is he all I hoped and more? Yes. Irrevocably yes. His scent still flowed through the air like an electric current; it exposed me to my darkest desire. Every time I closed my eyes, all I could imagine is my face from his perspective. Every time I closed my eyes, all I could see was Ares.

It was sort of ridiculous, really- I was having a hard time putting back on my clothes, which he so delicately peeled off me. In fact, it felt like I was defiling a work of art by putting them back on.

But then I realized that it wasn't a dream. It really happened. Which made me question a number of things, people keep apologizing to me, people keep playing with me and most of all- I am confused beyond belief. In the back of my mind, something was connecting; something important.

But not important enough for me to not ignore it, because I've finally came to my senses. And they told me, that I was angry.

More at myself, rather than anyone else-or maybe Cato, because he's the one that had toyed with me, didn't he? There's nothing more I could do but forget him. And it wasn't hard, because Ares dominated my memories vividly. Cato was a small, barely significant part of it.

When I made it to the surface, above; I tried to imagine where Gale would have been by now. And I knew exactly the place he will be at. I walked as fast as I could without making it look frantic, because the peacekeepers would get suspicious and found out Gale. In fact, I had no idea how he could have gotten through the strict border patrols of District 02, without a migration pass-which I highly doubted he possessed. The more I thought about Gale, the less I trusted him, and the more I saw him as someone to be watchful of. He had changed, indefinitely.

I barely recognised him when I walked into my kitchen. I let out a gasp as I took him in. His face adorned dark bruises, his lip was split open with surgical tape holding it together, and his right eye had a slight haemorrhage which made him look more than frightful. The feeling intensified when he took notice of me, his piercing glare penetrating me to the core. No, this was not the Gale I once was so close to. Not at all.

"Oh Gale" I said, barely audible. He took one look at my face, and let out a deafening laugh.

"Oh, don't look at me like that. My dear, Catnip" he slurred.

"You're drunk" I declared.

He walked around the table, and came towards where I was leaning against the front door.

"You're pretty" he said as he leaned his hand against the side of my face, his wrist had multiple fading markings, which looked like numbers. He was so close I could smell the liquor rolling off his breath. The smell of the musky whiskey reminded me of Cato, and I started to feel sick.

This feeling deepened as Gale continued to stare at me, like I was prey and he predator. I squeezed past him, and as I was about to make my way to check on Prim, his heavy hand snatched my shoulder and pulled me back against him.

"Primrose" he took a huge gulp from his bottle "isn't here" he drank the rest of the dark liquor until the bottom was empty. I picked off his slick fingers off my arm and moved farther up the stairs. "I just want, want to check something" I muttered. I just wanted to get away from this Gale; this Gale was hurt and angry. Mix those feelings with alcohol and you'd receive a bad combination.

"Oh don't be like that" he shouted after me. The sound of his bottle shattering against the floor made anxiety spike throughout my body. Not Gale, not Gale, not Gale. No, this was not the same seam kid I used to hunt with.

I ran to my room, shut the door barely in time and locked it. He smacked his fist against it and I could feel the vibrations through my back.

"Catnip!" he barked. I wasn't particularly scared of Gale, I just…I don't think I wanted to see him like this. Seeing him like this would have stained every good memory I have of him. "Katniss! Please open this door, I'm not going to do anything!" maybe it was his voice, the tone so raw and different. He started mumbling behind the door. My own chest tightened and constricted painfully, trying to intake as much oxygen as it could as I stopped breathing the moment the bottle shattered.

"What happened to you!?" I shouted through the wooden door. I heard some stumbling and then a chuckle.

"Oh" he laughed "there's…if only you…kn…knew…distr…" he mumbled and mumbled and I listened and I listened. "13, catnip" then there was a loud crash and I flinched from the door.

"Gale?" I shouted "Gale, you still there?" I whispered. I opened the door carefully, only to have Gales unconscious body fall against my legs. I checked his breathing to see that he's just asleep, even his sleeping expression was riddled with angry lines and troubled thoughts. I dragged his heavy form against the floor by grabbing under his shoulders and heaving towards my bed, then finally I managed to lift him with his body bouncing off the bed gently as he clashed, he was still- surprisingly-sleeping.

I took one long look at him, trying to understand this new Gale, with no avail I turned to leave but my boot slid on something and I lost my balance, almost. I lifted my boot to be met with a golden round pin, taking a closer look I saw that it was a mockingjay, carefully wielded into the metal. It must have fallen from Gale's pockets while I was lifting him, it looked quite familiar. I swore I could remember Madge adorning a similar, if not the same, pin on her dress. I unwillingly placed the pin on the dresser next to where Gale was sleeping, so he'll see it.

When I got to the kitchen, I cleaned up the broken glass shards and the round wet stains Gale's bottle left on the table. My mind was blank as I did these things automatically. As if there was too much to process, so I didn't process any of it, stubbornly. Then after, I simply sat where Gale previously had and waited for time to pass. I waited for my hair to dry, I waited for Prim to come through the door, and I waited for emotion to hit me.

But none of it did, except my hair-which was now finally dry. I felt nothing but worry, because it had become increasingly late and she would have been home by now, she would have left a note at least. I figured I couldn't wait forever, so I braided my hair back as it was this morning and made way to Clove's house in Victor's Village. On my way, I received curious and outright hostile looks from people. It put me on edge and made me progressively angry. What was their problem?

When I was finally faced with Cloves door, I could physically feel a dark cloud of rage hanging over my head. This was reflected by my unnecessarily aggressive knocks against the wood. After a couple of seconds of silence, I tried again, knocking harder. Nothing. I peered through the window but it seemed like nobody was present.

My last resort was the house right opposite me.

* * *

**i dont even know dont look at me**


End file.
